I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
