you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
