DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I came so hard my ears popped.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
