Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
