there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Shame - the story of my life.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
