i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
