i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
