Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
