Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize
