I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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