So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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