Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
