I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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