There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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