Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
