Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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