Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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