nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
