I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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