Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
