Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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