I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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