He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
