i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Randomize
