turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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