3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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