You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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