Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
