I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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