FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
just tell him i said nine months
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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