So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
