Please, let me fuck your mom
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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