Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
