I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
