marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
