i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Are we still banned from the library?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
