So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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