I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
