i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
