Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
