paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
