We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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