Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
