This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
well you can't waste a boner
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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