If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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