she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
