every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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