I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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