and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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