I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
