It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
